Love Me Did: A History of Courtship
Considering the stereotypes about Puritan New England, you might be surprised to learn that sweethearts in the 18th century were not only allowed to sleep together before marriage – they were encouraged to! The catch? They had to do it within the parents’ home. It was known as “bundling,” and although sex was theoretically not involved, the practice coincided with a huge increase in premarital pregnancy. By the end of the century, 1/3 of all brides were pregnant by the time they reached the altar.
In this episode, the History Guys explore three centuries of pre-marital intimacy. Did economic considerations used to play a greater role in coupling? In what ways have dating practices challenged class & racial boundaries? Has the idea of “romance” itself morphed over time?
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Guests Include:
*Beth Bailey — historian and author of From Front Porch to Back Seat: Courtship in 20th Century America
*Pamela Epstein — historian and blogger-in-chief, Advertising For Love
Features & Highlights
Hear more about dating in the 19th and 20th centuries in these extended interviews of Pam Epstein and Beth Bailey. Listen here.
Web Exclusive
Extended Interview: Beth Bailey tells Brian Balogh about three generations of courtship in her own family…and why there are only two entries for the word “love” in the index of her book.
Further Reading
Want to dig deeper into the history of dating? The BackStory research team has compiled a comprehensive list of resources for further exploration. Read On.
20 Responses
Trackbacks & Pingbacks
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“Love Me Did”: Music Listing | BackStory With The American History Guys :
[...] This is a list of the music used in the BackStory episode “Love Me Did: A History of Courtship,” broadcast in January/February of 2010. You can listen to the entire episode here. [...]
Quote -- February 1, 2010 @ 2:10 pm -
A History of Courtship « Cheng's Blog :
[...] Here is the link: http://backstoryradio.org/2010/02/love-me-did-a-history-of-courtship/#commentarea [...]
Quote -- March 10, 2010 @ 7:43 pm -
19th Century Personal Ads | BackStory With The American History Guys :
[...] The following audio clip is excerpted from the BackStory episode “Love Me Did: A History of Courtship.” You can listen to the entire episode here. [...]
Quote -- October 4, 2010 @ 6:52 pm -
The Origins of Dating | BackStory With The American History Guys :
[...] The following audio clip is excerpted from the BackStory episode “Love Me Did: A History of Courtship.” You can listen to the entire episode here. [...]
Quote -- October 4, 2010 @ 6:55 pm -
Beth Bailey Extended Interview | BackStory With The American History Guys :
[...] The following audio clip is an extended interview of a version originally aired on the BackStory episode “Love Me Did: A History of Courtship.” You can listen to the entire episode here. [...]
Quote -- October 4, 2010 @ 6:58 pm -
“Love Me Did”– Features and Highlights | BackStory with the American History Guys :
[...] The following are extended versions of interviews included in the BackStory episode “Love Me Did: A History of Courtship,” broadcast in January/February of 2010. You can listen to the entire episode here. [...]
Quote -- February 3, 2011 @ 1:23 pm -
US History Survey Class: Coventry University 2011-2012 « Andrew Smith's Blog :
[...] Podcast: Love Me Did: A History of Courtship http://backstoryradio.org/love-me-did-a-history-of-courtship/ [...]
Quote -- July 5, 2011 @ 9:59 am -
Love Me Did: A History of Courtship | BackStory with the American History Guys :
[...] episode was originally broadcast in February, [...]
Quote -- February 13, 2012 @ 9:30 am
My grandfather used to tell a story about riding the trolley in Philadelphia as a young man (c.1930). He claimed he saw my grandmother in her father’s shop window, fell in love and arranged to be introduced to her, after which they were soon married. My grandparents have now both passed on, but my 99 year old great aunt claims its not true. Moreover, over the years I have been amazed at how often I hear and read similar stories about girls in shop windows. Was this a common romantic notion of the early 20thC or did women just routinely step into shop windows when the trolley’s went by?
QuoteAs an older 7th generation Virginian, I confronted some tense situations in courting my wife. Paula is from Long Island City, Queens a fact that was barely mollified by her family being Catholic in my grandmother’s eyes. It took a few years for my family to adjust. All is well now. My question is: How did young lovers in the post war South ( the Northern aggression one) meet and then successfully navigate their families religious and sectional differences? Thank You and what an absolutely great show!!! Blake Caravati
QuoteI’m especially curious as to what role entertainment played in the eventual dissolution of arranged marriages. Did the advent of novels and romantic poetry lead to expectations of being swept off one’s feet?
QuoteI am an immigrant in Switerland and come from the US (military brat, specifically an Air-head according to my Army friends.). When my husband (who is Swiss) and I got engaged, I was shocked that no engagement ring appeared on my finger. I then found out that this is not known in Switzerland (despite all the American movies). We sorted it out and I did get my rock, but then I would like to know when the engagement ring entered American culture. I have heard the de Beers stories. Are they any true?
I adore your show!!! thank you so much….they really make my business trips more tolerable.
QuoteWhat is the history of mail-order brides in relation to the pioneers throughout American history? I am familiar with the “casket girls” in New Orleans and I remember reading Sarah, Plain and Tall as a kid. I am curious to know how widespread of a practice it was and how often these marriages lasted.
QuoteI am fascinated by the intersection between the traditional arranged marriage culture of India and the modern, Western practice of choosing one’s own partner based on ‘love.’ I explore that experience mainly through fiction, of which there is a tremendous amount these days, mostly by women of Indian heritage.
I got to know a woman from India some years ago. She was living in the US cooking and keeping house while her daughter was attending graduate school. The family was quite worldly but still felt it was essential that the daughter not live alone until she was married and that she have good, home-cooked, Indian food to eat.
The parents planned to choose several possible suitors for the daughter who would then choose among them who to marry. Her marriage had been arranged and she claimed to be very happy in it. The mother asked me one day why there was so much divorce in the US since people chose their own partners and even lived together before getting married? This puzzled her tremendously. The question came out of the blue and the answer I came up with was that it was because of peoples’ unrealistic expectations for marriage, largely shaped by media and pop psychology. I would love to know how true this theory is.
QuoteI was able to choose my own mate. However his procreative powers played strongly through our initial years of togetherness. We created 2 children together. 1 female born 3/3/ 83 Danielle Lynn Franklin . Gordon P Franklin was born 3/3/1986 . He was married July 19 2008 And is expecting his first child July 9 2010.
QuoteRoses are pink
Violets have blues
It’s a pleasure to think
About yesterday’s news
Thanks for the show, love it!
QuoteThank YOU, Juniper. You should know that “Yesterday’s News” was what I wanted to call the program, way back when. Apparently it’s also the name of a kitty litter brand, however, and between that and various other objections, we wound up with BackStory. Hard now to think that the show’s name ever could have been something else!
-Tony (BackStory Producer)
QuoteMy great-grandparents went to the same academy—Western Liberal Institute—in the 1850′s, but I believe they actually met when both were teenage schoolteachers. My gr. grandmother was on her own from age 16. She boarded when she was teaching, and when not, lived with various aunts, uncles, and cousins. They finally married when they were 30 and he was in the Civil War. They chose each other after a LONG friendship and much correspondence!
Their daughter, my grandmother, fell in love with her father’s first cousin. Despite vigorous objections from her parents, she married him at the dock in N.J. when her ship from Germany, where she had been studying, landed. They had given up any hope of a sanctioned marriage.
Their daughter, my mother, met my father through the introduction of their family physician. My father had come to her town to build a bridge and had asked the doctor to arrange some introductions to appropriate ladies for him. My mother considered him a stable provider, and coming from a family full of drama, stability attracted her!
Going back to my immigrant paternal ancestor, I know from the record that he married three widows—improving his land holdings each time! He lived to be around 90 years old—this was the 17th century in Virginia and Maryland. He had only one son who provided all the progeny in America. As you said, marriage at that time had more to do with economics than love!
Both sides of my family were small-town people. It’s who you know in most cases that confines your choice of spouse. Many incidences of brothers marrying a pair of sisters, and not-so-distant cousins marrying, and lots of half-relationships as well.
Anyway, just wanted to say I enjoyed your show, and others I have heard as well.
QuoteYou asked how our grandparents met . . . my grandparents met in High School. Granny says she was attracted to my grandfather because he had clean fingernails (they lived in a farming community).
The eloped 3 days after my Granny’s 18th birthday. She was expelled from her private college because she was married, and thus a bad influence on the other (assumed virginal) girls. When she enrolled in the local public college, my Grandfather had to register for her classes because she was married. He signed her up for science and home economics classes, not the art classes she was interested in . . . so she dropped out after one semester.
During the early years of their marriage, they had a farm. Granny cooked meals for everyone who worked on the farm and their families, often 30-40 people daily. She also reared 5 children and often was expected to look after the children of the farm hands. She was never paid a penny (although it was her family money that purchased the farm in the first place) and the work she did was never considered “work.”
They have been married 70 years. She didn’t receive a wedding band until their 40th anniversary. All of their children have college degrees, several have multiple advanced degrees.
Quotejust listened to the podcast, and wanted to reply to the listener’s question about whether Laura Ingalls Wilder would’ve had an engagement ring. She did, in fact, receive a ring from Almanzo when they got engaged, although it was not a diamond ring–it was a garnet, with a pearl on each side. I don’t think she got an additional ring when they got married, but I don’t remember for sure. anyways, yes she had a ring, but it wasn’t a diamond. the ring and the proposal are described in These Happy Golden Years.
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